Hi there, my name is Mary and this is my new blog Marys Mad. I’ve been tossing up whether or not it’s a good idea to share a blog about mental health, specifically, my mental health.

There is a stigma surrounding mental health that has been persuading me that erring on the side of caution is both responsible and self-serving. I’ve gone through the thought experiment of: although I feel like it’s what I want to do now, who can say how I’ll feel in 10 years from now and once it’s out there, it’s out there. What if I run for Prime Minister, or have a child who may be bullied as a result, etc, etc.

However, you’re reading it, so obviously I decided it was a good idea. More than deciding it was a ‘good’ idea, I had a few influencing factors that have ultimately made me decide to publish. Firstly, the pain that I feel and internalized has morphed from a crippling burden to a sense of injustice and with that feeling comes an anger that is much more motivating than just pain and burden.

Secondly, my Brother recently lost his battle with mental illness and ended his life, so the reality of inaction hangs heavier on me now then ever. Whilst, I battle with regret and wishing I’d taken more action with him whilst I could, I can’t change what has happened, but I can chose how to move forward.  

Finally, the very premise that I can’t publish this, ‘just in case’, undermines everything I believe and advocate for. Silence is shame, shame is demobilizing and feeds the very stigma I am trying to break free from.

So, here it is.

Throughout my life, but most evidently in the past 5 years, I’ve had metal health issues. They have come and gone, they’ve been treated and untreated but only in the last 5 years or so has it massively impacted my day to day experience. And now, I feel as though I’ve always been like this and it will never change. A bleak and unrewarding future.

I have been exceptionally lucky, (although all things considered maybe not, we’ll get to that later), I have had access to and been provided with funding for private mental health services. I really am grateful for that and I think I often underestimate how profound it has been and how what I have learnt has shaped my thinking.

Throughout this treatment something that I find intriguing, not so much as a concept but in the way it plays out in real time, is group therapy. It has undoubtedly been the most therapeutic outlet for me. And something that always shocks me is how well people seem to articulate what is going on in my head, simply by explaining, honestly, what’s going on in theirs.

There’s nothing quite like someone disclosing something that obviously weighs heavily on them and having a room full of people nod knowingly, or to be that person disclosing, it’s very validating. So much of mental illness is in the thinking, in the feeling, that your wrong or weak or broken and no one else gets it.

If group therapy has taught me nothing else, it’s that people get it. People get it and are struggling through just like I am.

It’s funny, it’s such a personal and unique illness to have but, quite often we find solace by healing with and through others. It’s like there’s an underlying bond, a tie that connects us all and it’s how these crazy Sapien brains of ours function.

So, with that said, that’s why I decided to write this. As an act of gratitude for having quality treatment available to me, which sadly so many are excluded from (I’ll discuss this later too), I want to share my experiences, some scenarios and realities I go through living day to day with mental illness.

I speak about different topics around mental health, services available, types of mental health issues, facilities and resources, and all of these are from firsthand experience and are my opinions.

I have only ever been a patient of mental health facilities, I have no training in this area at all, anything I say in regards to what has and hasn’t worked out for me, is just that, specific to me.

Everyone is different and I would strongly advise not ruling anything, such as treatments, out because you’ve “heard bad things” about it. I say just take little bits and pieces from a variety of different sources that you find works for you and then use it for so long as it serves you, but always keep learning.

Everybody is different and severity and variation of mental health issues is a constantly sliding scale, so all I can offer is my experiences, from my perspective and hope that some of it is useful.

So welcome and with no further ado, I invite you to come on my journey with me, perhaps this makes it official, Mary is mad!